Understanding and Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Maintaining Control and Safety in Relationships

I’m an Author and Somatic Movement Educator, I'm known to my clients as the "nervous system whisperer." If you're burdened by responsibilities, low on energy, prone to procrastination, feeling hopeless, or suffering from burnout, I can guide you toward feeling enthusiastic, energetic, hopeful, and resilient. My expertise lies in helping clients overcome burnout, anxiety, and trauma-related issues. For more information, click here.

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Many of my clients have trouble setting boundaries. They were brought up to be the reliable one. It turns them into people pleasers, they find it difficult to say no to others, both in their professional and personal lives. When you don’t set boundaries, you go through the same mental turmoil every time they are tested. That’s exhausting and takes energy that you could put to better use.

Every person's boundaries are unique, shaped by their individual needs, relationships, and social context. Let’s delve into the importance of boundaries, how to establish them, and how they vary across different types of relationships, such as those at work and in romantic contexts.

Boundaries are guidelines that you set in your relationships to define what is safe and acceptable behaviour from others. They also determine how you will respond when these boundaries are crossed. These limits can be applied to interactions with friends, family, romantic partners, colleagues, acquaintances, and even strangers.

A person with healthy boundaries:

• Clearly communicates their needs and desires

• Values their own opinions

• Stands firm on their core values

• Is comfortable saying no and respects others' limits

Environmental factors, social context, and cultural influences can also impact one's boundaries.

Why Boundaries are Important

Unhealthy boundaries can lead to a loss of identity, making you feel unsafe and vulnerable as your needs go unmet, potentially resulting in unstable and dysfunctional relationships. Signs that someone needs to build healthier boundaries include:

• Reliance on others' opinions

• Difficulty saying no

• Fear of rejection

• Accepting disrespect or abuse

• Becoming overly involved in others' problems

• Oversharing information

• Trouble accepting no from others

• Compromising personal values for others

• Avoiding intimacy and keeping others at a distance

Eight Ways to Set Boundaries

1. Practice Self-Awareness: Understand what is essential for your well-being and identify areas in life that require boundaries. Tuning into the signals from your body will allow you to fine-tune your levels of comfort and discomfort.

2. Name Your Limits: Define your physical and emotional needs to set appropriate boundaries. Write down what you can and what you cannot do in any given situation. Do remember to give yourself some wriggle room so that you are not being too rigid in every situation.

3. Set Them Early: Establish boundaries early in relationships to prevent frustration and confusion.

4. Express Them: Clearly communicate your boundaries to others, using “I” statements to assert your needs respectfully.

5. Be Comfortable Saying No: Learn to say no without feeling the need to justify your decision.

6. Be Consistent: Reinforce your boundaries through repeated communication and reminders.

7. Start Small: Gradually build up your boundaries, offering alternatives when needed.

8. Get Support: Seek help from trusted friends or family members if you find it challenging to set and maintain boundaries.

For paid subscribers, I’ve dropped a somatic lesson that gets you expanding your boundaries.

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I am looking for a few more clients to join BETA version of The Soothe Programme, which started on the 18th July, but I’ll still taking on clients up to a week after.

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Thank you for reading.

Stay human,

Nahid x