Photo by Bianca Ackermann on Unsplash
I’m working with a client who is full of fear. She sits for hours scrolling through her phone, which makes her feel more and more frightened. Her sleep is interrupted, because the tension in her muscles makes her feel uncomfortable when she is still. She knows scrolling isn’t good for her mental health, but at the same time, she is scared about missing something important. Does that sound familiar?
Your nervous system responds to fear in a way that is self-protective and will involve contraction of your muscles.
In her, it shows up as muscle contraction throughout her whole body. Her breathing is shallow, her ribs don’t move with her breath, she rounds in on herself and clenches her hands into fists. She has jaw ache from clenching her jaw, and she suffers from neck ache as her head is in a permanent forwards of her spine. This further exacerbates her ability to breathe.
Fear-linked experiences make a deep impression on your brain.
Fear is an awareness of danger. The never-ending flow of information in the modern world means that the dangers seem ever present. Your nervous system can’t differentiate between imagined or real fear and will react in the same way.
What this means is that your nervous system feels under threat for sustained periods of time and the muscular contractions become your new normal.
Fortunately, your brain is drawn towards things that give you comfort.
The important thing to remember is to interrupt the cycle of alarm. Put the phone down, tend to the muscular contractions, and your breath.
When I am feeling fearful these days, I feel compelled to train with weights. There is something about tapping into the strength of bones, which are deep within me that makes me feel connected to myself. I also use the chores of housework: scrubbing; polishing; wiping and mopping allows me to feel my feelings and crucially, let them out.
It is normal to feel the pain of others, no matter how wretched that makes one feel. If you didn’t, it would be a strange disconnect with that is actually happening.
Feel your feelings:
When you feel fear, or any emotion, it can help you to identify your needs. When you are feeling happy, you may be meeting your needs for connection, love, and belonging. When you are feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, you may be signalling that something is missing in your life. By listening to your emotions, you can identify your unmet needs and take steps to address them.
Emotions can help you to make better decisions. When you are feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, you may be more likely to make impulsive decisions that you later regret. Conversely, when you are feeling calm and clear-headed, you are better able to weigh the pros and cons of different options and make better decisions. By listening to your emotions, you can avoid making decisions that are based on fear or impulse.
Emotions can help you connect with others. When you are able to share your emotions with others, you build stronger relationships and create a sense of community. By listening to your emotions, you can learn more about yourself and what you need to feel connected to others.
What’s going on
The Soothe Programme is a tailored one-to-one mentoring to unlock your patterns of chronic stress, anxiety, burnout and trauma issues. The programme gets powerful outcomes for clients. I am taking on a few clients, more details here or contact me to talk about how we can work together.
The Soothe Day Retreat in London on Saturday 27th January 2024 has four places left, get booking, it’s going to be a gentle gathering of peaceful people.
The Weekend Soothe Retreat in May - book the last rooms places left.
For paid subscribers, I have dropped a lesson for interrupting the fear response.
I hope it serves you well.
Stay human,
Nahid x