If I Were In Charge...
What Three Things Would You Do Michelle McQuaid?
I’m Nahid, “the nervous system whisperer” an Author and somatic movement educator. I’ve been teaching for twenty years and specialise in helping clients through burnout, anxiety, stress and trauma-related issues with The Soothe Programme. If you want to find out more, I’m holding a FREE class on May 12th at 7 pm register here.
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I hope you are well. At times of chaos and uncertainty, it is ideas, hope and creativity that give me life. We have such a poverty of creative ideas, headline-grabbing polarised slogans with little substance doesn’t offer me much hope. I often play a game, “If I was in charge, what would I do?
Every now and then, I will highlight someone I’ve met on my travels who is both kind and clever (and whom I’ve managed to convince to play along). Ready?
Meet Michelle, who kindly interviewed me for her podcast, The Good Girl Changers
Who are you?
I'm a wellbeing researcher and author who's spent the last decade exploring the science of human thriving. I was once the perfect "good girl" - collecting all the promised rewards: loving family, big career, financial security, good friends, a beautiful home. Yet beneath that perfect facade, I was constantly stressed and grinding my teeth, telling myself: "You'll never be safe, happy, and loved if you don't try harder to be good."
Now, with grey hair and a body that aches and sags, I've found the courage, compassion, and care to be my unique self. I'm happily divorced, my children are leaving home, and I've discovered what fitting in never offered: the confidence to live life on my own terms.
What’s Your Mission?
To help women break free from society’s "good girl" conditioning that teaches us love must be earned through perfect performance, constant people-pleasing, and protecting others at any cost. Our research reveals how these patterns shape women's lives, showing up in their struggles, relationships, and self-worth. My mission is to help women set themselves free from these outdated expectations so they can embody their unique selves.
How do you do it?
By crafting playful, evidence-based, bite-sized tools that challenge women to question: "On whose terms and for whose benefit am I living my wild and precious life?" Our F.R.E.E. (Feel It, Release It, Experiment With It, and Evolve It) framework supports women in building the skills of self-compassion, secure attachment, and self-leadership.
Through free podcasts, tools, books, journals, and workshops, we support women in dismantling "good girl" conditioning, breaking down big challenges into manageable, meaningful shifts.
How do you look after yourself?
This hasn't come easily; it's been a conscious unlearning of decades of "pushing through" and redefining success for myself.
Daily floor time is non-negotiable - whether that's yoga, meditation, or simply lying on my back feeling the ground support me. I try to practice what I call "pace of grace" – listening to and honouring my energy cycles rather than pushing through just because I can.
Regular nature immersion keeps me grounded – walks along the beach at sunrise and sunset tend to bookend my days and when the weather allows a little yin yoga under the stars before bed.
If you were in charge, what are the first three things that you would do?
I'd confront gender grooming by creating nationwide education initiatives where children learn to recognise society's "good girl" and "tough guy" expectations. Through age-appropriate activities, students would identify these pressures in media, family dynamics, and peer interactions, then explore how these messages shape their choices, relationships, and sense of self-worth. Most importantly, they'd develop practical skills to question these limiting stereotypes and gradually build the confidence to value their authentic expression over fitting in.
I'd create a significant tax credit for anyone who participates in approved self-leadership and trauma-healing programs. This preventative mental health approach would make evidence-based practices financially accessible to all, putting powerful tools like Internal Family Systems, secure self-attachment, healthy boundary setting, and somatic movement at people's fingertips. Rather than merely responding to mental health crises, we'd invest in building each person's capacity to regulate their nervous system, heal embodied trauma patterns, and maintain their wellbeing even during challenging times.
I'd launch a global "huddling" movement that brings people together across differences to explore: "On whose terms and for whose benefit are we living our wild and precious lives?" These conversations would take place in community centers, boardrooms and parliament buildings, focusing on solutions that honor both our individual expression and our profound interconnection. The goal isn't perfect agreement, but creating systems where personal growth and collective wellbeing naturally reinforce each other.
Please recommend a book, a podcast/radio or a film/TV programme:
Book: "Beyond Anxiety" by Martha Beck offers a transformative approach to moving through fear and into freedom. Beck's blend of scientific insight, spiritual wisdom, and practical tools creates a roadmap for anyone seeking to live with more courage and less limitation.
Podcast: "We Can Do Hard Things" hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle tackles life's most challenging aspects with remarkable honesty and humour. Their conversations about relationships, mental health, and authentic living remind us that vulnerability is not weakness but our greatest strength.
TV Programme: "Girls5Eva" brilliantly captures the journey of women reclaiming their voices and redefining success on their own terms. As former pop stars navigating midlife comebacks, the characters hilariously highlight the absurdity of societal expectations while demonstrating the power of female friendship and self-rediscovery.
What are you currently working on?
I've just released two powerful books that challenge the 'good girl' narrative. "The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl" is a subversive adult storybook that finally tells the truth about being human, while our companion "Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal" offers 36 evidence-based tools for authentic living. Through our Substack, free podcasts, tools, and workshops, we continue creating spaces where women can break free from societal expectations and embrace their unique selves.
You can learn more here.
The next Soothe Day Retreat in London is on Saturday 17th May - last few places left. I’ll be looking at the connection between your spine and emotional health. You’ll learn principles of soothing your system each time but also fresh perspectives for brain and body movement based on research, what my clients are currently going through, and what is happening in the world. Book into the day retreats throughout the year to counter our fast-paced culture. Nab your spot here.
The Soothe Weekend Retreat on 10th - 12th October at The Quaives, a lovely retreat space in Kent, 51 minutes from St Pancras. I’ve already sold the cottages and the rooms in the main house. Rooms still available:
Dorm: 3 beds in the scandi-style dorm @ £650 pp
3 minute drive up the road staying at The Tor Spa
3 x ensuite rooms 5 minutes car drive away @ £1150 pp / twin 795 pp left
For paid subscribers - your lesson this week is to reset your nervous system at any point in the day.
Our monthly Sunday Soothe live sessions will be on: 11th May - link below.
Stay human,
Nahid x
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