Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It is a key component of emotional intelligence and plays an important role in our relationships and our ability to connect with others on a deeper level.
While empathy is a natural human capacity, it is something that can be cultivated and strengthened. One of the best ways to do this is to start with self-compassion.
Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness and understanding, even when you make mistakes or experience difficult emotions. It is about accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all.
Research has shown that self-compassion is essential for empathy. When we are able to be kind and understanding towards ourselves, we are more likely to be able to extend the same compassion to others.
One study found that people who were more self-compassionate were also more likely to be empathetic towards others, even when those others were different from them.
Another study found that self-compassion can help to reduce aggression and increase prosocial behaviour.
So, how can you cultivate self-compassion? Here are a few tips:
Be kind to yourself. When you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes. Instead, try to learn from your mistake and move on.
Accept yourself for who you are. This doesn't mean that you have to be perfect or that you can't change things about yourself that you don't like. But it does mean accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all.
Be mindful of your self-talk. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. Are you kind and understanding, or are you critical and judgmental? If you find yourself being self-critical, try to challenge those negative thoughts. I have given my self-talk a name and I debate with her when she tells me I am rubbish. I remind her of the difficult things I have done and how I am doing my best. It works!
Practise self-care. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Make sure to cover the foundations of sleep, I try to hit the pillow by 10 pm, to eat foods to feed your brain, and to move regularly. Be attentive to the space between activities and introduce rituals to transition yourself from work to personal time and from admin to eating a meal. The transitions are as important as the activity.
Do something every day that expands your experience. It could be learning a new word, finding out the history of your street, talking to someone who has a different view point to yours or learning the names of trees. Live beyond the constructed confines of your daily life.
Once you have developed a strong foundation of self-compassion, you can start to cultivate empathy towards others.
Listen with empathy. When someone is talking to you about their problems, really listen to what they have to say. Try to see things from their perspective and understand how they are feeling. Avoid the impulse to give them advice.
Be non-judgmental. Don't judge people for their problems or their choices. Everyone is going through something, even if you can't see it.
Offer support. If someone is going through a difficult time, offer them your support. This could be something as simple as listening to them, or it could be something more practical, such as helping them with errands or childcare.
Be mindful of your own biases. We all have biases, but it's important to be aware of them so that they don't cloud our judgment. When we are mindful of our biases, we are more likely to be able to see others from their perspective.
Science backs up the benefits of self-compassion and empathy
Research has shown that self-compassion and empathy are linked to a number of positive outcomes, including:
Reduced stress and anxiety
Improved mental and physical health
Stronger relationships
Increased prosocial behaviour
Improved job performance
Greater life satisfaction
One study found that people who were more self-compassionate were less likely to experience depression and anxiety.
Another study found that self-compassion was associated with better physical health, including lower blood pressure, heart rate, and inflammation levels.
Self-compassion has also been shown to improve our relationships. When we are more self-compassionate, we are more likely to be kind and understanding towards others. This can lead to stronger and more supportive relationships.
Empathy has also been shown to have a number of benefits. For example, research has shown that people who are more empathetic are more likely to help others in need. They are also more likely to be successful in their careers and to have satisfying relationships.
Self-compassion is the foundation of empathy. When we are able to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, we are more likely to be able to extend the same compassion to others.
How do you practise self-care and what changes in yourself have you noticed since doing this?
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Take gentle care of yourself.
With love,
Nahid x